I had written the chronological order of my calling, I had my reading list read, I had completed my application form and been interviewed by 3 different people. But this was the main event, the one that decides, such an important interview that they call it a Selection Conference. So I thought I should confirm in my own mind what I see myself doing, what I am called to do, if I get selected to become an LLM; here it is:
Preaching
I have always loved to read the bible, it was the one part of church I was good at as a child, always asked too many questions at Sunday school! My facilitation and presentation experience has given me the skills to be able to read to others and it is when I read the bible and talk about my faith that I come truly alive. I can not tell you how much I enjoy giving the talks to the 1130 service, I get very nervous and worry that I am not good enough but it feels so natural and such a privilege.
Teaching
I have to be honest, I find it hard to imagine how I will ever know enough to be able to teach others about the bible, the gospels and faith. And yet I also know that I tell others about my experience of faith and that this is a teaching experience; and I know that if I could teach risk management to government officials then God will provide me with the tools I need to teach what he needs me to.
Pastoral Care
This is the area I feel so incredibly drawn to. For many years I have felt that I should help others, I have done all sorts of voluntary work and get so much from it. And now opportunities are opening up left, right and centre for me to become a qualified counsellor, to be able to listen to others, to be there for them and to let them feel their value and how much they are loved. I know better than to set out grand plans but I feel so drawn to providing support to those in our community who need a listening ear.
And then it landed, just 2 weeks before selection conference, the outline of the 3 interviews and what they would each focus on! So I set down to work and wrote my ideas against each subject area with a hope that it would ensure I didn't go blank.
1 - Training potential, personality and character
I have been doing courses regularly ever since I completed my Masters degree. I always did more than the required cpd and was always looking for new areas I could extend my knowledge and skills. I took a year off either side of Rachel’s birth and then started a course with the OU in psychology before specialising in counselling. I am over half way through my certificate in counselling and will complete this summer; this takes one evening a week and a weekend a month with an additional 5-6 hours of reading each week. I also make use of the free courses available for volunteers; in the last year I have taken courses in child protection, first aid and puppetry.
I have reviewed the LLM gifts and competencies listings and identified that my counselling course should fulfil the pastoral care element other than the link to theology. I believe the living the Christian life modules will be fantastic and I am excited about even further extending my prayer life. The key areas where I need training are in theology and church history.
I am outgoing and love people, finding out about them and their path in life. I am driven, always have been, and that’s why it’s taken me so long to listen to this calling; for the first time this is not my desire, it’s a place I never expected to be taken. However it is so exciting, as well as scarey, that I am now eager to see where the path leads me. However at least the driven aspect of my character means that I will enjoy the courses and training. The downside of this is I get easily stressed, however I have a strong network around me that know when this is happening and get me to take a step back and reflect and calm and make necessary adjustments.
I have had more than my fair share of life’s knocks but I have been lucky enough to have always felt God right there with me through them. I have made it through my experiences and have learned from them and realised that what I have learned can benefit others and for this I am grateful.
At the same time, we are at a place in life where I can devote myself to my family, voluntary work and the church; it is meant to be now and in this way.
2 – Faith, vocation, spirituality and worship
My calling has been discussed at length with so many people and the only area of concern I have is that everyone else thinks I should be going forward to be ordained; and I see where they are coming from but I am clear that this is not where God is taking me now. Just this month I have looked at the description of an NSM and of an LLM and it’s still the LLM that jumps out at me as where I am meant to be going.
I pray morning and night for about 30mins each; this involves prayer of one form or another, meditation and reflective writing. I also pray at random times in the day as I feel the desire or calling to do so. I do daily bible readings from the BRF.
I have two NSMs at church who are there if I have any thoughts or concerns about feelings I am having or activities I am undertaking. I also email my previous vicar if I need specific advise he can give. I am however looking forward to our new vicar arriving and learning under him. I also have a spiritual guide who walks alongside me providing me with a steady hand when I need it. My home group are immensely supportive and I also have an OA sponsor who is there to help me if food becomes a concern as a reaction to life.
3 – Potential for ministry, relationships and team working
Preaching, teaching and pastoral care. I enjoy the preaching when it’s interactive but not so much when it’s almost a lecture. I adore the interactions with the kids and young people in Sunday school. And my clear calling is in pastoral care.
I have been working with one of our associate priests in particular over the last six months whilst we’ve been in interregnum. We and the Sunday school leader have met each half term and reviewed the subject matters and our diaries and divided up the services between us and pooled ideas for Sunday school and sermons. It has been a real pleasure to be able to bounce ideas off other people and to hear their experience of what works and what doesn’t.
I have also worked a little with the other associate priest who gives occasional 1130 family services. He has asked me to take a more involved role in the services I have provided talks at, sharing much of the leading with me including getting me to lead responses in a baptism service.
I also realised, all of a sudden, that I must have given at least 3 or 4 talks to the 1130 family communion service and thought it would be good to know what the themes were. Imagine my surprise when I realised I had already given 8 talks and had another 4 within the next 6 weeks. So I jotted those down for my revision/preparation.
1. Remembrance Sunday – we thought about memories we have of people we love and we each wrote the name of someone onto a red petal which we then stuck to a huge poppy for the window of the church.
2. Stewardship Sunday – start of the church’s stewardship campaign – we asked for money and discussed why it’s important to give what we can to others; but we also looked at other things we can give like our time and co-operation, our ears to hear other people’s troubles and our hands to make an effort on projects for others.
3. King who comes as a servant – read the Papa Panov story by Bob Hartman. The challenge for all of us - do our actions speak louder than our words? Think of times when we have said we will do something - but not done it …like tidy bedroom, help mum, take the dog for a walk, wash up, go to bed early. What can we do this week?
4. Dressing John the Baptist – had one of the older children playing John the Baptist so the story could be told through her as she dressed and walked round the church and ate locusts!
5. Christmas Week – we read Bob Hartman stories of the “surprise for Mary” and “the star that went zoom” as the children coloured in stars and angels and attached them to the door posters to decorate the church for Christmas
6. The message matters – Mark’s gospel of Jesus asking the disciples to follow him, an urgent call that they responded to. Had the kids playing a game and then I asked them if they wanted to follow me. Some did and some didn’t and then we talked about how that felt and whether they would have followed without knowing where to or why.
7. Godly Play of Mark’s gospel of healing Simon’s MIL. It was a baptism service and so I got all the children involved with setting the scene and moving the characters and realising that the miracle itself was amazing, but more so was that Jesus knew he had to keep spreading the word and not just basking in glory.
8. Transfiguration – looked at the gospel and how it was a journey involving fear and then wonder and then the frustration of not being able to tell others. Then linked this to a journey I made to SA and how I was afraid, then awe struck but then annoyed when the photos didn’t bring the amazing experience home to everyone else.
Lent Service - Our home group planned and delivered an evening service as part of St Nic’s church Lent course. We took chapter two of Bishop Stephen’s book “The road he travelled” which was on the crown of thorns. We gave a 45 minute service of reflection and meditation including making a crown of thorns and lectio divina on the gospel of Mark.
Upcoming planned 1130 service themes - a service of thanksgiving for a child; I will speak on how we should come to heaven as a child and use the song of 5 little ducks to illustrate how mummy duck keeps looking for her babies. “Jesus chose to die” - using the medium of seeds I will demonstrate Jesus’ role in saving us - planting dead seeds to see life come anew.
The final piece of preparation was to see what other books I had read since I completed my application form about 4 months previously:
Hit the ground kneeling – Stephen Cottrell
Do nothing Christmas is coming – Stephen Cottrell
Purpose Driven Life – Rick Warren
Twenty Questions Jesus asked – Elizabeth Rundle
Show me the way – Henri Nouwen
The road he travelled – Stephen Cottrell
Complete Guide to Godly Play
Messy Church
Preaching Workbook
Human Development - Rayner
Inside Lives - Waddell
Swift to hear – Jacobs
Still small voice – Jacobs
Presenting past - Jacobs
Families and how to survive them – Skynner
Skilled helper – Egan
Home is where we start from – Winnicott
Child, family and outside world – Winnicott
So the day approached, the Selection Conference, 4 hours in Oxford. The preparation was done, possibly over done! The prayers were placed, the thoughts were with me. My nerves were in tatters....
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