O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
 You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord.
 You hem me in---behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
 Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
 If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
 If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
 even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
 even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
 Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you.
 If only you would slay the wicked, O God! Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
 They speak of you with evil intent; your adversaries misuse your name.
 Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord, and abhor those who rise up against you?
 I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.
 Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
 See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
I have been praying on psalm139 as part of the open door retreat this week. This is my adopted psalm, always has been.
Usually I focus on "you created my inmost person" because it speaks to me as a sinner, that I may fail but God created me inside and out. It also speaks to me as a mum, especially a mum of angels, because it reminds me that they were and are loved by God.
But this week the verse that has spoken to me is "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.".
God knows my past and knows my future, not the details specifically, not in a way that he controls my actions or what happens to me; but as a whole. He knows my path, my reason for being, my meaning and my calling. It reminds me how He knows me intimately and has me safe.
This week I have moved from fearful and childlike and grieving for that, to loved by a Father who knows me.